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Post by michaelson on Sept 8, 2011 22:15:47 GMT -5
^ Your friend knows Charle?!?
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Post by emmeth on Sept 8, 2011 22:28:53 GMT -5
^ Oddly enough, this guy is from Melbourne, but no. Not our Charle, though that'd be pretty damn sweet.
didijustfessuptohavingacrushoncharleuhohohwellnowyouknow
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freakozoid
Meat Tornado
I'm not sad anymore.
Posts: 155
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Post by freakozoid on Sept 11, 2011 15:04:51 GMT -5
I'm in love...
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Post by prknbns on Sept 12, 2011 5:01:41 GMT -5
Okay, so I can't sleep AT ALL. This is mainly due to the fact that I've been (more or less) sleeping until 4am the past few days because I'm (more or less depressed). This is all coming from my relationship - and its current lackthereof status. Boo. I'll try and catch everyone up REALLY quick because I need to vent and this is hard to do when I feel like a chump. Yes, I feel really bad that I've only been on the board once (which in my defense, I'm not on the computer as much as I used to be and when I am I'm pretty much too lazy/forgetful to dig up the link :/ which I was too stupid to save.) ANYWAYS. So four years ago I met this guy, Matt, through a mutual friend. We were *just friends* and actually kind of hated each other. Then the next summer, he and I started dating before this big shitty mess of a breakup happened that basically ruined me. He moved to California to get away from his life and ended up rekindling a relationship with his ex. Throughout his relationship with her, he and I had the most mind-fuck of a friendship that always teetered on the edges of romantic things; we literally had to MAKE ourselves not talk to one another so we wouldn't be tempted to become inappropriate, and that sexual/romantic tension would in turn cause us to fight and stop talking. Then a few months later we'd repeat the cycle because I'm sure you all know (to some degree) that it's really fucking hard to not talk to someone that you care for that deeply. Moving on, they break up. This leads to him calling me to talk about things because he just needed someone to talk to and he knew I'd give him an honest perspective and be sympathetic - also, despite the roller-coaster ride of a relationship we've had, he and I are truly the best of friends and I've never been more open with anyone than I am with him, and vise versa. So we start talking again on a regular basis and, without us trying, things turn romantic. Basically, he realizes that he's been in love with me the entire time and it's been an issue for him throughout the other relationship. Naturally, because he's broken my heart before, I'm hesitant to really let him in again but agree to fly out to California to visit and see where things go (which, we actually hung out with Jon and Megan one night!) and things only became more complicated. We entered an "official" status, but then broke up because he needed more time - I'm completely understanding and supportive of this. The breakup was mutual; I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is somewhere else emotionally. My problem is that, I don't know if this second go at our relationship was just bad timing or what. However, while he's working on himself and dealing with his own baggage, I'm stuck here dealing with the weight of decisions and whether or not I can love him again. It's not really something anybody can really answer for me, which is the most frustrating thing, but it's just a lot to process. I didn't know where else to turn. I don't feel safe with my thoughts and my voice anywhere right now. My siblings and some friends are on tumblr, my parents are on Facebook, and other people that shouldn't have access to my thoughts right now (like Matt and another ex, Sam) follow my Twitter. So yeah. I hope you guys don't mind me venting here. Also: Jon and Megan, if you guys read this, thanks for hanging out with us. I know I mentioned it to Jon, but Matt is REALLY shy and we didn't really get a chance to talk about all of this in person. I actually wish we could have, but regardless, it was nice to see you guys and spend time together at the beach. He really liked you guys and he thought you were hilarious, Jon. Sounds weird because he didn't say much, I know, but he was glad to meet some of my friends with me and thought it was a good evening together. I just wish we could have done more and I wish that we didn't all eat before you (Megan). Your tour of Whole Foods was great though! And my California-Chipotle chips and salsa were delicious! But not better than Jon's disgusting, yet strangely addictive biking snacks!
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Post by Jon on Sept 12, 2011 11:59:07 GMT -5
^it was awesome, thanks for hanging out with us! sorry we didn't get to do more, we're boring people but it was super fun to hang out with you guys. even being quiet, matt seems like a cool guy and I hope you guys figure out what you need to figure out. i'm a pretty shy guy at times too so i know how that goes
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Post by celadon on Sept 12, 2011 15:11:00 GMT -5
I fear he may be trying to avoid/distract himself from real world responsibilities and is sinking again... :\
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Post by emmeth on Sept 16, 2011 0:17:05 GMT -5
I hate him. I hate him for using my feelings to validate his own for someone else. I'll be a bitch and go as far as to say I hate him for being happy at my own expense. And I hate him for breaking my heart and being perfectly fine with it. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou. PS, Aussie guy spent last night in the ER. I haven't heard from in since this morning. I really hope he's okay.
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Post by invisiblellama on Sept 21, 2011 21:58:02 GMT -5
You know that boy I occasionally post about? Well, the past three days have gone something like this: - This is going great. - Well shit. - I'm fucking stupid. - I hate you. - I need to ignore you. - I'm not mad. - What the fuck? - You're not supposed to be that way. - What the fuck?
So, that's a summary of my feelings. It's for the better that I stop liking this boy, for reasons that I don't feel it's my right to explain. It's easier for me to be mad at him or hate him instead of just not liking him. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm totally okay with this, but I'm not. This whole situation really fucking sucks. This probably makes sense to no one but me, but that's cause I'm leaving out important details that I don't think is my business to post about.
tl;dr - boys are complicated, let me have cats.
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Post by Ka on Sept 22, 2011 2:18:06 GMT -5
all the sads. i wish i could some see all of you and hug you. a lot. and possibly snuggle because i like to snuggle.
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Post by emmeth on Sept 23, 2011 17:23:49 GMT -5
It's easier for me to be mad at him or hate him instead of just not liking him. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm totally okay with this, but I'm not. This whole situation really fucking sucks. One of several reasons this girl is totally my sister.
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Post by prknbns on Sept 24, 2011 0:28:10 GMT -5
I'm going to assume that there's something going on that is out of your control. If this is the case, don't stick around trying to find out if you can salvage the relationship at some point. Move on with your life and if things turn around in the future, perhaps you can do something about those feelings then, if the situation arises.
I speak from personal experience. It's hard to make yourself walk away from a situation, but if you're anything like me you're thinking that you can be his saving grace and safe haven in the situation and in life. Don't stick around to be that and tell yourself that your feelings will go away or hope that his feelings will somehow match yours, because most likely, you'll be left as the person he goes to when things get bad and you'll be pining over him without anything in return.
Wow, I sound like a total mother fucker. I promise that's not what my intent is. I'm just trying to tell you that I'm the Queen of vague, and it sounds to me like he's dealing with things in his own life apart from your relationship that are standing in the way of said relationship. If this is true and if you're anything like me, that's how things will go. You'll silently suffer and bear all of the weight for the two of you when you don't have to. Let him deal with his own shit and you go do you. Buy records and learn and play with cats and be Canadian and awesome. That's my advice. I mean absolutely no harm, I swear!
In other news, I'm still dealing with this shitty situation. Rather, I'm not dealing with it because the other half of the situation is avoiding discussion, which is making me feel as though I need to be proactive and end the suffering for us both because I'm tired of the charades. Fuck relationships. You can quote me on this in a year when I'm in one and happy, and I say this because in a year, I'll still be saying "Fuck relationships." and I hope we can all have a good laugh over it.
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Post by invisiblellama on Sept 25, 2011 22:33:36 GMT -5
^ first off, I'm sorry your situation is shitty. I offer you hugs And secondly, more hugs because your advice is pretty much what I needed. Every thing is based on assumptions anyways - so I won't know anything official for a few weeks at most. Plus, I feel less like an idiot because I know I didn't make up delusional memories - they happened and they meant something (if anything). I'm currently just going to stand back and see what happens - there's nothing I can do about whatever shit he might be dealing with. And to think I was just about to tell him how I feel. Ha.
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Post by Jon on Sept 26, 2011 0:37:50 GMT -5
i met my future wife today. she'll know someday.
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Post by emmeth on Sept 26, 2011 1:30:42 GMT -5
I'M NOT THAT SMART ALYSSA!
Because I'm still not ready to walk away from this friendship. But I am tired of being angry over these things I have no control over. When it really comes down to it, all I want is my friend back. I know where I messed up and I really couldn't be anymore sorry for it. He chose another girl over me. He's done it before, and that's something I know I'll have to get over. But when it comes down to it...I just want my best friend back. I honestly feel like I have a hole in my life because he's not there. One of my biggest constants...and I haven't had him for a while. It sucks.
Sure, I'm still pissed about being rejected. But that's is severely overshadowed by how much I miss him. I sound stupid and girly and whiney and wimpy. But just ihyundoaiuhrj.
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Post by emmeth on Sept 28, 2011 9:49:49 GMT -5
^ Update to that...we want our friendship back on track. I've got things to work out, but we just miss each other's company too much and want things to go back to normal. I'm just working and hoping for good things in the near future.
Switching to a different boy: failing to tell me you're still married and not quite sure what you're going to do about it is pretty much a solid deal-breaker. Jussayin'. Also, married in the temple. Hell to the NO.
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